[Fic] New Adjustments: Part Four

[danyellaskyler]

Title: New Adjustments: Part Four
Fandom: One Piece
Author: Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Website: Livejournal, or Fanfiction.Net
Rating: PG
Genre(s): Humor/General
Pairing(s): Sanji/Zoro mentions
Summary: Zoro wakes up with some changes. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.
Beta: Bronze Tigress
Warnings: Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.
Disclaimer: Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. Damn.

Part Four
First Time

Word Count: 128

---

Ace was ten and really had no idea what he was getting into when he asked Shanks, "What's sex?"

And Shanks, as per his norm, ignoring common sense and sanity, proceeded to tell a fascinated and horrified Ace and Luffy all about it, in too much detail.

After he was done, a dazed Ace and Luffy got another talk from Ben about sex without toys. All in all, it led to Ace swearing off sex forever, and avoiding certain objects and rooms, while Luffy would randomly ask random people if they liked [blank]. That lead to him being led off and lectured by the mayor on inappropriate questions.

It also led to Shanks' crew leaving just a little earlier than expected, having to flee the pissed off parents.

I Forget

Word Count: 67

---

Sanji stared thoughtfully at Zoro's bra-covered breasts.

"Something bothering you?" Zoro asked, scowling.

"You have breasts," Sanjii said conversationally.

"I have for the last few months," Zoro confirmed slowly. "You know this."

"I know, I just forget sometimes, then it suddenly hits me."

Zoro snorted in amusement. "Bet you never thought you'd have that problem."

Sanji gave Zoro a sardonic smile. "Especially about such a nice pair."

The Bear

Word Count: 172

---

Zoro was calmly sitting on the couch, enjoying his mid-morning snack, only to choke as a large, man-sized teddy bear, complete with a red ribbon around its neck, thudded onto the other couch.

"The hell?" He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Nope, still there in all its brownness. "Right. Sanji?"

"What?" Sanji asked, turning from his fawning over Nami. "Where did that come from?"

"I have no idea. But there's a note."

"Then read it."

Zoro gave Sanji a flat look. "That would require me trying to get up. It'll be faster if you just come here and do it."

Sighing, Sanji strolled over and plucked up the note. After turning it over in his hand a few times, he opened it and read the contents. He read it twice more just to be sure, then turned a blank face to Zoro.

"What?"

Sanji sighed in disgust and dropped the note in Zoro's lap. "It's from that Kuma guy. In congratulations for your impending motherhood."

"Huh."

"I have dishes to wash."

Mr. Leafy

Word Count: 865
Author's Note: Okay, Mr. Leafy was a cute thought that I somehow can see happening to Zoro, so this is the scene. Also Mr. Leafy is essentially the Lil'Cactus from Sword of Mana (I'm not sure if it showed up in the other Mana games) and I just gave it a different name and more mobility.

---

Luffy was happily lying on Zoro's spare couch and planning what he'd demand the first time he ransomed someone when Zoro, looking worried, hurried up to him.

"Luffy, have you seen Mr. Leafy?"

Luffy sat up on his elbows and thought about it. Nope. "Who's Mr. Leafy?"

Zoro's face blanked as he gave Luffy a long look. "Right, you don't know. Never mind." Waving a negligent hand, Zoro hurried over to Usopp, across the deck.

---

Nami scowled as she found Usopp poking suspiciously around her orange trees. "What are you doing?"

Usopp jumped and spun to face her. "N-nothing," he stuttered. "I think I just came down with 'I-can't-be-around-orange-trees.' Gotta go see Chopper. Bye." With a frightened wave he zoomed off in the direction of the infirmary.

Nami's scowl lightened into a frown as she checked her trees for damage or missing fruit.

---

Sanji stood at the front of the ship idly staring at the horizon as he took his smoke break, when he noticed Chopper running around looking for something. An unusual, but not uncommon sight. He started to try to figure out what the doctor could be looking for.

He was surprised though, when Chopper gave him a wide-eyed panicked look, and ran over to stand in front of him. "You want something?"

Chopper nodded his head franticly before he started to act something out.

"A man climbing a rope in an avalanche?" Sanji guessed.

Chopper gave him a thumbs up before moving on to the next one.

Chopper managed to keep Sanji distracted from the fact that behind him Usopp was stalking "Mr. Leafy" with a butterfly net.

Zoro wandered up during this, took it in, then walked up and planted a kiss on a now stunned Sanji. After thoroughly plundering the blond's mouth, he pulled back and gave Sanji a look, then wandered off.

When Sanji finally snapped out of his shock, he was surprised to find Chopper, Zoro, and unknown to him, Usopp and Mr. Leafy were gone. Dazed, he wandered off to the galley for some sanity because the world had obviously gone mad.

---

An hour later found a now grumbling Sanji angrily preparing dishes that required a lot of chopping. He didn't know why, but Zoro kept finding ways to surprise him. Either with unexpected reactions, or hidden depths.

"That's his problem. He's a complex man trying to be simple. Well I'm onto him," Sanji grumbled.

He had just put a new vegetable on the chopping block when he was startled back to reality. The vegetable had moved. Sanji stared for a long minute before tentatively poking it with a finger. He yelled in surprise as the plant poked him back. As in, it reached up an 'arm' and poked him in the chest.

Before he could do much more, the kitchen door burst open and Usopp ran in, snatched up the sign of Sanji's impending retirement, and ran off with it. Which did not comfort him at all. In fact, it made him even more certain he was going crazy. Zeff had warned him it might happen one day. It was a sign he couldn't do what he loved anymore. Not if he wanted to keep his pride as a cook.

But just to be sure, he started going over all the food he had eaten over the last few days to make sure he hadn't just been drugged or poisoned.

---

Zoro sighed in annoyance as he walked into the galley where Usopp had gathered the other Strawhats, except for Chopper, who was following him in his large form carrying a large plant pot that the reindeer could have fit in, in his favored form.

"What's going on?" Nami demanded unhappily.

"I'm proving Sanji isn't crazier than usual," Zoro said with an annoyed scratch at his neck. "When we were getting ready to leave Alabasta, I was given a gift by some crazy old man. I don't know who."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Luffy asked confused.

"Because you," he pointed at Nami, "would try to sell him. You," now pointing at Sanji, "would try to cook him, and you," pointing at Luffy, "would try and eat him. I kept him out of the way."

Luffy thought it over before nodding, "That the 'Mr. Leafy' you were asking about?"

Zoro nodded. "He decided to explore the ship." With a gesture Zoro indicated for Chopper to set down the pot. "Come out and meet everyone, Mr. Leafy."

The others were surprised when what had originally looked like a large pink flower turned out to be just the hair for a humanoid cactus that climbed onto the table and bowed to everyone before dancing in place.

"Cool!" Luffy exclaimed, as he climbed onto the table and started dancing back to the cactus.

"It's moving?" Sanji asked cautiously.

"It keeps a journal as well," Chopper explained enthusiastically.

"About what?" Nami asked, sounding slightly hysterical.

Zoro shrugged. "About what we tell it."

"You must talk to it a great deal," Brook put in. "It looks very healthy."

Zoro gave Brook a surprised look. "You're a man of surprising knowledge."

"And you're a man of surprising sophistication," Brook returned with a laugh.

---

Meet Mr. Leafy:

Let's Dance

Word Count: 172

---

Nami came out on deck with an armful of navigation books she was in the middle of studying. She almost passed by the party, only to stop and stare.

Franky and Brook were playing and singing a duet while Luffy, Chopper, Usopp and Mr. Leafy were each dancing a different dance. Luffy was break dancing, Chopper was doing his "I'm-not-happy-with-the-compliment" pleased dance, Usopp was line dancing rather well just by himself, and Mr. Leafy was doing his usual swaying, arms waving dance. None of them were moving in time to the music.

She stared for several minutes before setting down her books on the coffee table next to Zoro's couch, and went to join them with a dance Vivi had taught her. Which drew Sanji in with his, "I'm-so-happy-Nami's-belly-dancing" dance.

Robin smiled benignly as she turned the page in her book, kept a hand on Zoro's protruding belly to feel the baby's dance, and continued keeping watch.

Zoro just sighed in his sleep and turned to face the back of the couch.

Return of the Dumb Marines

Word Count: 695
Author's Note: Okay they just wouldn't die. They had to come back and do this to me. But I think it turned out well.

---

"You!" a voice yelled.

Zoro turned his head to see a disturbingly familiar face. "Oh. You. What do you want?"

"You lied to us. You are the Strawhat Pirates!"

"Well that's nice of you to say, but you want the truth?"

"Yes, and no lying," the Marine captain said sternly.

"We're actually Strawhat impersonators in our spare time."

"So you're not the Strawhats?"

"No. We're the acting troupe Tantalus. The Strawhat imitating is just something we do in our spare time."

"I've never heard of Tantalus."

"We're new."

"How new?" he asked suspiciously.

"Our first performance is today if the harbor master and mayor allow it."

"What play?"

Zoro thought frantically. "The Strawhat Pirates vs. the Foxy Pirates. The Davy Back Battle Extreme." Zoro stared in surprise at the familiar horrible sail at the other dock. "There's the rest of the group."

The Marine captain gave Zoro, the bemused Strawhats and the distant Foxy Pirates a look before speaking. "I'll see about permission. I want to see this 'play.'"

Once the Marines left, leaving behind a light guard to watch the Thousand Sunny, the Strawhats gathered around Zoro.

"Zoro, what is with you and these Marines anyway?"

"I don't know, they just provoke my inner wiseass. What are we going to do?"

Luffy crossed his arms as he thought over the problem. "We should do it."

Usopp stared at Luffy in disbelief. "Do you know what's involved in putting on a play?"

"I have faith in you guys," Luffy said with a grin. "And I want a theme song."

"Luffy!" Nami fisted her hand in Luffy's cheek. "Do you have any idea how long this usually takes? Months!"

"Then I guess we'd better get started," Sanji said calmly.

"Where?!"

"Foxy's crew would probably be a good idea," Robin suggested.

Nami blew out a long breath, carefully let go of Luffy and muttered, "Right. Right. Now listen, this is what we have to do if we don't want to get arrested..."

---

Zoro sat next to the Marine captain, munching on roasted peanuts as they waited for the play to start.

"So Miss..." the Marine began uncertainly.

"Zera."

"Miss Zera. Nice to meet you, I'm Captain Jester. How have you been?"

"Well enough. A few physical problems, but I've got a good doctor."

"Physical problems?"

Zoro gave Jester a long look before shrugging. "Problems with my weight and not doing too much. I'm not used to doing so little."

"You're very slim for what? Four months?"

"That's nice of you to say, but I'm actually seven months."

"Really? But you're so thin, Miss Zera."

"Thus the weight problems. I'm having problems gaining, and keeping on weight. I'm told I have a freakishly high metabolism."

Jester just nodded as though he understood, even though he didn't. "And the father?"

"Doesn't know, but I'm thinking about telling him."

"So you're not single?"

Zoro gave Jester a confused look at his disappointed tone. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Jester paused before changing the subject. "So how'd you get into acting?"

"Just happened one day."

---

The play turned out to be a huge success. The Foxy crew turned out to have nearly everything needed, and what they didn't have the Strawhats could provide. With Brook doing the music, Nami producing, Usopp directing, and Sanji making the concession snacks they managed to pull it off.

Although it was full of exaggeration and over acting, especially the last giant, Big Pan's fall, Big Pan had managed to do an entire tear jerking speech before he hit the stage. Turns out that he was actually quite eloquent, he just normally can't hear what people are saying. Zoro's suggestion of using a den den mushi in a cage as an earring allowed him to hear what was going on during the play.

When the Strawhats left, the Marines were convinced of Zoro's new story, the Strawhats had made enough money over the three days they waited for the loge pose to reset to placate Nami, and the Foxy Pirates had found a new calling. Though Luffy did have to save Chopper from them again. The women were really stubborn about keeping him.

How Sanji Found Out

Word Count: 95

---

Zoro stumbled into the galley and glared at Sanji.

"Go back to bed. You're still sick," Sanji ordered, coming over to force the stubborn swordsman back to bed.

"This is your fault."

"I didn't give you the flu, that was Usopp."

"I wouldn't have gotten this sick, if you hadn't gotten me pregnant."

"W-what?" Sanji asked, stunned. He couldn't have heard what he thought.

"What I really want to know is, how many times have you picked up women who look like me?"

"W-w... I-I..."

"Never mind," Zoro interrupted sourly. "I'm going back to bed."